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I wrote this earlier today in a moment between sleeps (I'm down with a head cold so sleeping in bits) and wanted to remember it:

"No one knows my heart, I am alone." That, I think, is what draws many people to religion--that they cannot bear the essential self-hood of existence. There are times I understand that, although on the whole I am at peace with being on my own in this life. But I do want to be understood and I do want to be valued for who I really am. There isn't too much bitterness because neither of those things are really possible outside the vacuum of the ideal. But I do need to refine myself, to define myself. I need for me to seek what is true in and about myself, and although you can't really live in that state I do acknowledge the journey.

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hearthstone
Mar. 17th, 2012 09:17 am (UTC)
Thanks :), I'm working on it. Also I find that being really really tired is kind of like being drunk--I tend to get embarrassingly deep and pretentious--what I say is true but I say it so strangely!
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