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Thoughts inspired by Facebook homilies

I was looking at Facebook this morning. For anyone who isn't familiar with Facebook, and I suppose there may be a few of you left, people on Facebook love to post pictures with quotations or sayings that they find meaningful or inspiring. Mostly I find them neither. But today there was one:

"You're in a relationship to be happy. To smile, to laugh, to make memories. Not to constantly be upset, hurting and crying."

Sort of nice in a common-sensical way.

Of course then I scrolled down and saw this one:

"A person who loves you truly will never let you go regardless of what the situation is."

which is a lot more typical. And then there is always some variation on this one, which purports to be from Marilyn Monroe (but you know the internet :)):

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

And then there's the one I hate the most, this one:

"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

And all I could think was that there are plenty of folks who would post all of those, and never see the contradiction.

Thing is, there's some validity in most of those statements. (Except the last one. I loathe that one and refuse to see any positive in it, I think it's just plain mean. :))

Clearly, in a relationship, there will be tough times, and someone who cuts and runs at the first sign of anything less than perfection in their partner is a bad relationship risk to say the least. If you love someone enough to make them your partner, you love them enough to cut them a little slack once in a while.

Just as clearly, the whole "stand by your wo/man" thing is at its heart dysfunctional. If you are being treated badly, there is no virtue in tolerating that behavior.

Two things.

First, give and take. If you are always the one being difficult, the one who believes they are so awesome that their partner should be willing to walk on eggshells around them in order to preserve household peace? No one is that awesome. And if you are always the one tolerating your partner's tantrums because that's just how they are? If they are manipulative to the point where things are always their way because it's just not worth dealing with it otherwise? Again, no one is that awesome.

Second, perspective. Yes, everyone is difficult once in a while. But some behaviors are beyond "difficult." (Obviously that is going to be a judgment call.)

Finding a balance between valuing yourself and maintaining a relationship is hard. It's harder when one of the partners isn't really trying.


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